


One Last Time

by Vforthesoul



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Gen, Hella spoilers from Red Rose, M/M, Spoilers, Ugh, so many tears, you're being warned now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:43:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2715947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vforthesoul/pseuds/Vforthesoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A ghost letter from Juice sent to a mourning Chibs. The club dismantled and Chibs is drunk all the time. He checks the mailbox and amongst all the junk mail there's a crispy envelope from prison labeled to Filip Telford from Juan Carlos Ortiz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> I'm warning you one more time- there are major spoilers in this. So many spoilers. Okay, only one but still. If you're not caught up and you really don't like being spoiled then here is your warning.
> 
> Stop reading now if you don't want to be spoiled!!!
> 
> In the Summary I write Chibs is in mourning. I just want to clear that he is in mourning over Jax, Gemma, and Juice's deaths.

‘Chibs, Chibbie, Fiiiiilip, 

Since you’re reading this, I’m dead. Hah. How cliché, right? Only people in the movies that you hate ever write that shit. But, really, it’s true. I’m dead. Dead as a doornail. 

Honestly, I’ve been dead for a while. You and I both equally know that. When I started being dead on the inside you and I stopped existing together at 100% capacity. You stopped trying to fix me, to talk to me, to get answers out of me. I don’t blame you, because I stopped trying to lie to you and just didn’t answer your nagging. 

Yeah man, you nagged. 

But now I’m dead on the outside, too. So maybe I can tell you a few things. I’m going to let you know now this is me letting you hear my heart for the last time. You deserve it. I don’t know if you want to hear it, or if you even remember my name, but I’d like to think that if I showed up on your doorstep, fresh broken out of prison, you’d curse at me, help me hide, then grumble your sexual feelings and we’d do it. Mm, nice angry sex. Wait wait- you can’t think of me like that. I’m dead. Remember? Deaaaaad. Maggots and shit. Don’t be Tig. 

It feels nice to talk to you, even though you won’t get this for a while. And I’m dead. 

Okay, okay, I’ll stop reminding you. You get the picture. 

I want you to know a couple of things:

You should know I went out on my own terms, Chibs. I’m going to assume you care because you really loved me once. I’ll tell Tully. He’ll do it- his relations with the club will still be solid. He’ll kill me, anyway, but I should make it clear when I want it done. My terms. I’ve died before, not on my terms, so I guess I’ll do this last thing to save me some dignity through the doors of Hell.

I also really want you to know I take full responsibility for everything I have done. I take responsibility for falling in love with you, fucking that up, and fucking the club up. I’m also sorry for fucking it up- stuff with you. I can’t help but think if I had just believed you in that bathroom things would be different, or if I had opened up about my guilt over Darvony to you, rather than Nero when I was high out of my mind.  
I’m thinking about you, Chibs. We were good. We were happy. We had fun. I had fun. 

Finally, you need to know that I never stopped loving you. I just forgot how to feel it. But I feel it right now, Chibs, I feel euphoric and I feel my love for you surging through my body. Wanting to surge. I feel it beckoning me to finish this so I can love you in a better manner. 

I think shit with the club is about to go down, now that we all know the Chinese didn't kill Tara, and I want you to find the power within yourself to remember the better times. I wouldn’t say they were simple, but they were better. Only remember them, Chibs. Remember your love and faith for Clay, Jax, and the MC as a whole. Remember that feeling and take it with you to your grave. Hold your memories close. 

Leave Charming, Chibs. Negotiate with IRA and return to Ireland, or Scotland. 

I know, I know, I could never remember where it was you were banned from. 

Be with your wife and daughter, Chibs. Watch them grow as individuals and be a man of mayhem over seas, but be closer to your darlings. There’s nothing left for you in Charming. I’m not just saying that because I’m not there. (though that's a big reason ;) )

I’m here, Chibs. I’m with you. You’re the only one I had and you’re the only one I love. I’ll always be with you. I’ve always wanted to see Ireland/Scotland in leisure. Take us there, Chibs. 

I’m going to haunt the shit out of you, so you better start forgiving me now or I’ll make you shit yourself with fear. You can’t stay mad at the dead. It’s just wrong and unheard of. 

I don’t want to stop talking to you, but I have to. I have to go now, Chibs. 

I love you, man, okay? I love you so much, brother. I’m okay. It’s okay.

If you ever need anything, I won’t be far away. 

-Juicey Boy

P.S. Name that movie reference, dickwad.’


End file.
